Take The Blame First

Yesterday, I had the privilege of addressing the church about my newly published book, 'He Wasn't My Husband'. And I am not proud to say that I shed tears in front of everyone there!

It's Your Responsibility

I was speaking as the author of 'He Wasn't My Husband' at church — my new church where most people have seen/met/known me for only less than a year, and were relatively still trying to form an opinion about me. Here I was giving them the basis for their opinion of me.

It was a hard thing sharing this path of my journey with them.

I told the church I had dated many guys before I got married.

I told the church that I wanted to be married at 23, so I dated these guys hoping it will lead to marriage.

I told the church that none of the guys I dated became my husband.

I told the church that I was a messed up young woman yet trying to get married at the time.

I told them all these in tears. . .

Well, thank God they didn't laugh at me!

I am still trying to figure out why I cried because this is something I have been sharing on social media long before my book was published. If you have some ideas about my tears, please share in the comment box below. Thanks.

Related Article: The Cleansing Tears

I am owning up to my mistakes. I am allowing myself to be. To become.

I have never seen anyone who has never made mistakes in life. Almost everyone has a story which they are not very proud of. And the general solution of handling the situation seems to be: Don't Blame Yourself.

You tell yourself that it wasn't your fault.
You tell yourself that the other person was wrong.
You tell yourself that the other person didn't give you a chance.
You tell yourself that there was nothing else you would have done.

Sorry. This article is the opposite. I am telling you to take the blame. I am telling you to take responsibility for your mistakes/failures. It is imperative for you to grasp the reality that ONLY YOU made all the choices in your life whether they were in your best interest or not.

I am telling you to blame your self first.

You can’t learn from your mistakes if you can’t acknowledge you’ve made them! And if you don’t learn from your mistakes, you’re certainly going to repeat them. That’s a recipe for going round and round heading nowhere in life.

You are right now in the right place at the right time because everything you have done in your life up to this moment have brought you here. This is a fact. Your life is a sum total of all your choices. No one can do anything to you unless you let them.

Related Article: My Boss Treated Me Badly

Of course, it can't be all your fault. That’s why it’s “blame yourself first” and not “blame yourself only.”

When I say “blame yourself first”, I am telling you to seek to understand the HEART of the matter, and then act to minimize the mistakes as much as possible – and prevent it from happening again.

Focus on what you can do to change the outcome. No matter what you think the other person did to you, take the high road. Do the wise thing. Look at your part and take responsibility.

Related Article: Mistakes Are OK

I didn't tell the church that the guys I dated before I got married broke my heart.

I didn't tell the church that some of the guys I loved didn't love me back in measures.

I didn't tell the church that some of these guys were not even heading towards marriage.

I took the blame first.

Sweetie, the mistakes and failures you experience are yours because you put yourself there. So, the fastest (and perhaps, the only) way to leave the path of continuous failure is to utter the three difficult words: "I was wrong."

Thanks for reading.

Have a great week ahead.
Stay inspired.
Stay positive.
Stay be-you-tiful.

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi 

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Heart Rays . . . giving light.