How To Rekindle Romance After Having A Baby

On Heart Rays, we don’t do boring relationships. Having a fun-filled and enjoyable marriage is a MAJOR goal. If you are not intentional, you may get swept up in the intensity and demands of new parenthood that you forget about being a couple. Rekindling romance after having a baby is not a popular topic but it is very common. 

Let’s talk. 

Romance After Baby

In the beginning, it was just me and Kachi. We do anything we want and go anywhere we want. We were spontaneous and adventurous. (See our honeymoon adventures here). I could step out for 24 hours without holding a bag. Kachi and I could stay up all night talking, watching movies and building on our intimacy. 

We had some pillars of a great relationship: good communication, trust, physical affection, a good sex life, emotional support, shared interests, mutual respect in the relationship, and time spent together having fun.

Then a baby happened! (Meet our beautiful baby here 😊 ) 

As we started to find our parenting groove, we realized that our intimacy was starting to shake a bit. Thank God for the Spirit of discernment! 

Below are some tips on how to bring the passion back post-baby, straight from the heart: 

• Look Your Best

Earlier in the relationship, did you make efforts to look your best? It’s time you start doing it again because it would make your spouse stay attracted to you and also make them believe that you are still making the effort to look beautiful and smart, just for them.

I refuse to look unkempt because I am nursing a child. I make sure I am clean and my hair is lovely. I don’t tie wrappers to stay at home (even when my mother-in-law made jest of me about that. She said I’d change —it’s just a matter of time. I reject it in the name of Jesus! Amen. Lol). 

If it comes to at-home salon service, so be it.

• Talk To Each Other

Having a baby can be an opportunity for growth in your relationship. Dealing with a sudden increase in stress (a baby, for example!) tends to increase conflict and intensifies any issues that already existed between you and your spouse. If you can slow down and take time to really talk to each other, you can figure out how to support each other and grow together.

Kachi and I are intentional about our relationship as a couple. We believe we are first a couple before we became parents. We made a video about rediscovering ourselves after a baby. Watch it below. Feel free laugh. Lol. 

• Plan Ahead

Before having a baby, it’s easy to be spontaneous and surprising. After you have a baby, there is need for you to prepare and be much more deliberate about your marriage. 

Plan date nights ahead of time, have a regular babysitting schedule, and make time for sex before you’re dead tired and dropping into bed at the end of the day. Let me repeat that: MAKE TIME FOR SEX. 

Sex is powerful in creating intimacy which is the central factor for rekindling romance. This might feel awkward at first, but scheduling regular time for each other is important when there are so many other demands on your time and attention.

We had a Date night.
(days after the at-home salon service 😉)

• Let Go of Guilt

I have one last piece of advice that I would really like you to take to heart: start shedding some of that mum/parent guilt. We live in a society that heavily enforces the flawed idea that you owe all your spare time and energy to your children. I know that it is hard to escape that feeling but try. Take time away from the baby, put yourselves first sometimes, and don’t feel bad about it.

I’m thankful for my parents – that they stay in the same city as we do is such a blessing and a breath of fresh air. They are head over heels with their grand daughter, Kamma and are always excited and eager to have her stay over. 

To rekindle romance after baby, it’s important to shed the parental titles—and obligations!—and spend some time together as a couple. Have a babysitter, grandparents or someone else you trust watch baby for an hour, an afternoon or a night. Use this time to revisit the things you loved to do before you had a baby.

💛

• Get Creative With Parenting

You’re a parent now! Like, yeah! You can totally handle all the curves parenthood might throw at your relationship. One of the best ways to feel connected and maintain intimacy? Think outside the box. 

Kachi and I are always happy to create videos (check YouTube - PerfectMachForever TV) with/without our baby. It doesn’t get any better than that!

Don’t use your baby as an excuse to not get creative. Look at me, I’m drafting a blog post and my baby is over there playing with my beads. It’s exciting! Lol!

Have fun, enjoy your spouse and your relationship. Show your baby what a blast it is to have happy parents. 

• Pray, Pray and Pray

A baby is a blessing from God. Isn’t it? The Bible tells us, God’s blessing maketh rich and addeth no sorrow. Therefore having a baby, should in fact, magnify the romance in your marriage. And yes, prayer makes that happen! Never stop praying.

Read How I Prayed For Kachi Before We Met

Thanks for reading. 

Stay positive.

Stay inspired.

Stay hopeful.

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi

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