Exposing The Love Bombing Strategy in Manipulative Relationships

Someone I really admire recently got married to a man who is publicly considered to be a narcissist, and I started to feel concerned. I got a little invested in the news and started to do some research. Then, I found the term “love bombing”. It struck a chord in me. I have once been there. . .

Love Bombing

Have you ever found yourself swept off your feet by someone who showers you with overwhelming attention and affection right at the start of a relationship? It can feel exhilarating, like a dream come true. But what if this intense adoration isn't as genuine as it seems? This tactic, known as love bombing, is a manipulative strategy where someone “bombs” you with extreme displays of attention and affection to control you.

The Temptation and Danger of Love Bombing

Love bombing can be incredibly flattering at first. Imagine being bombarded with texts, calls, gifts, and praise—it's like a dream. It feels great. However, this flood of affection can mask darker intentions.

If someone is love-bombing you, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are a bad person, or that they should be considered an enemy. In fact, they’re likely to be just dealing with trauma themselves.

Love bombers often use this tactic to gain control, particularly in abusive relationships. The abuser might shower you with love after a fight to manipulate you into staying. This cycle of abuse, apology, and grand gestures can be confusing and damaging. 

Recognizing the Signs

So, how do you know if you're being love bombed? Here are some signs:

1. Extreme Attention: They take an intense interest in every aspect of your life. They might be spamming your social media accounts, sending extremely long text messages or frequently declaring their love. All of which have the potential to feel stalker-like.

2. Speedy Attachment: They emotionally attach very quickly and praise you excessively. They find every reason to make you see how good you are together, which pushes you to commit fast. 

3. Inconsistency: They might alternate between kindness and cruelty, especially in private.

4. Grand Gestures: Overly grand apologies after arguments, like sending dozens of roses, heavy credit alerts, and all that.

If you find yourself saying your partner seems too good to be true, they just might be. It always feels good to be someone’s priority. Still, love bombing is likely to leave you with an unsettling feeling of insincerity. And perhaps, insecurity. 

RELATED POST: Beware of Heart Stealers

The Phases of Love Bombing

Love bombing generally occurs in three stages:

1. Idealistic: They put you on a pedestal and idealize you quickly.

2. Devaluation: They start to criticize and belittle you, often switching between kindness and cruelty.

3. Discard: They may refuse to take accountability for their actions and might end the relationship if confronted.

Who Uses Love Bombing?

Research found a correlation between love bombing and narcissism. Individuals who engage in love bombing often have narcissistic traits, an insecure attachment style, and low self-esteem. They prey on vulnerable individuals, such as those recently heartbroken, divorced or with low self-esteem.

What to Do If You're Being Love Bombed

If you suspect you're being love bombed, start asking yourself:

- Does this person make you feel uneasy or nervous?

- Am I confused about myself when I am with this person?

- Do they compliment you and then criticize you?

- Are they overly demanding of your time and attention?

If the answer is yes, it might be time to reassess the relationship. Go back to God, it’s most likely that your relationship with Him has been shaky. Reach out to trusted friends or family members, and consider seeking help from anonymously if you don’t want to reveal your identity.

If I overcame, then so can you. I can’t thank God enough for how He stepped in on my relationships each time I veered off. I wrote about it in my first book, “He Wasn’t My Husband”. It’s available on Amazon and other selected book stores.

If you’ve been love bombed, know that you're not alone. Seek support and give yourself kindness and forgiveness as you navigate your way to healthier relationships.

Final Thoughts

Love bombing can feel intoxicating at first, but it’s essential to recognize the red flags and protect your mental and emotional well-being. Always remember to value your self-worth and don’t hesitate to seek help if you find yourself in a manipulative relationship.

Feel free to shoot me an email, I’d be sure glad to render a helping hand. 

Stay positive.

Stay be-you-tiful.

Stay inspired. 

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi
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Heart Rays. . . giving light.