Hello! Yes, it's been a while I wrote about love and relationships. I might have unknowingly clicked a pause to that aspect of my life. It recently dawned on me that anything I try to hide from you hurts me even deeper.
So I'm back to writing on relationships again after going through a roller coaster ride of emotions.
The Heartbreak That Comes From A Lost Friendship
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Heartbreak is commonly used after a break up with a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, but it is not strictly limited to that. You can feel absolutely heartbroken over a friendship, and to be honest, it is the worst kind.
When relationships with a significant other ends, you feel sad for a while, and slowly but eventually, you move forward with life. Right.
BUT
when friendships end, you feel as if a trailer loaded with tubers of yam just crashed into your body and as it came through it took all the memories and feelings of comfort you once had with this person. You feel as if you may never recover from it.
Been there. I felt that way when my "friend" broke up with me. I wish I could remove my heart and massage it gently to ease the pain.
One of the reasons I am writing this post is to move on completely and because I realized some things just aren’t meant to be. I have accepted the fact that our friendship had run its course and even though it hurts I have to move on. Losing a friend is so difficult. It may take some time but you will get there. Trust me.
I've been heartbroken before (not something to be proud of) but the pain wasn't as excruciating as the loss of this friendship.
In the beginning, you cry.
Depression sets in and you must find a way to pick yourself up and move on.
You start to convince yourself that this person never truly cared for you or meant anything to you. Believing that lie, perhaps, helps you start to feel better.
Just when you think you are over it, you see or hear something funny that only this person would understand and the urge to call them or text them resurfaces.
And when you remember that this person is not a part of your life anymore, you head back to tears, depression and sleep for days.
It feels like a nightmare, or at least you want it to be a dream so you can wake up from it.
You want to open your eyes and wake up to see that the break up never happened, but sweetie, you won’t. You try to think of anything you can say to make the situation better, but sweetie, you can’t. You delete their number or unfollow them on social media hoping to forget about them all together, but sweetie, you don’t.
It hurts.
Oh, it hurts.
Ending a relationship may break your heart, but losing a friend will not only break your heart but may also shatter your very soul.
I remember exactly what happened when my "friend" and I broke up. It wasn't the first real heartbreak I have ever experienced but I remember every second of it like it was yesterday. I can still feel all of it; the anger, the hurt and the feeling of rejection. I sat on my bed crying after the biggest fight my "friend" and I had ever had. I was so mad. I figured we both needed a couple days to cool off, then we’d talk it out. But days turned to weeks which turned into months, and after so much time of radio silence I knew it was over.
You see, when relationships end, we tend to know why or at least, have an idea why it didn't work out. But when friendship ends, it happens slowly and almost invisibly, you can't place a finger on it. That makes it more painful.
I find the nature of this very break up to be quite violent. Not violent in the physical sense but violent in the emotional sense because it's a cruel split from someone in your life, someone you like, someone you love, someone you've spent time with.
The break up of a friendship makes you question everything about yourself. The thoughts that run through your head range from anger to disappointment, trying to work out if it was something you did or something you said. You are left wondering if there’s something you could have done differently.
We hardly talk about the heartbreak from friendships. I don't know why. I searched for books, tapes or blogs about this and none was helpful. Or, am I the only one who gets heartbroken by the loss of a friend? I don't think so.
This type of heartbreak is not quite as easy to overcome. This type of heartbreak stays with you until you find your way out of the pain. It's been a roller coaster ride for me, I must say!
The greatest lessons I’ve been able to take away from this heartbreak, though, is:
I need to love myself God enough to not try to fix us back together.
I will be sharing some tips on how to deal with losing a friend next week.
Thanks for reading!
Ever been heartbroken from a friendship? How did you cope?
P.s I'm torn between Career-Wednesday and Love-Wednesday. What do we do?
Written by Nwamaka Ajaegbu
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Heart Rays . . . giving light.
