DIARY: What It Feels Like To Be Engaged

27.11.18

DIARY: What It Feels Like To Be Engaged

I know what it felt like to hear about my closest friends getting engaged, it is a great feeling! However, emotionally, there is no dress rehearsals for that feeling when it's your turn. Mehn.

The Feeling Of Being Engaged

In few minutes, I'll be swearing an oath before the court of law to stick with this man for the rest of my life. All focus on us now, this is it, together, forever, starting right this second. Oh my gosh. It's happening for realllll.

I'm engaged. As in, I'm about to be married. I mean, I'm getting marrieeeeed.

Hmmm. . .

I am here. Not flying, not falling. I'm in somewhat an awkward suspension, a dangling in space. I'm somewhere between "understanding marriage" and "no longer waiting for a ring."

Lol. It's surprisingly funny to me, sometimes. We have been besties, on the same path, loving each other, something platonic for a long time. But that moment, the proposal, the ‘I choose you, for, like, forever and here’s a symbol to put on your finger to seal the deal’ made it feel so different. It feels like it became an instant partnership. Duo. Team. Pair. Squad. Crew of 2. Everything should be easier. Life can continue to move forward. . . but now it has to be totally TOGETHER. All decisions, the support, the sure-ness of it all. It’s hard to explain, but I just ‘feel’ different.

The feeling is relational purgatory. It is not hell, and it is certainly not heaven. It is that space in between. And there is still more to know. There is still work to be done.

Fresh in my mind is the memory of him asking me to marry him. I remember it was a total out of body experience. It took me a few days to make it ‘public’ because, to be quite honest, the flood of emotions was absolutely exhausting! I just couldn’t quite believe it was happening, all my prayers were being answered in the same moment that I actually felt a little scared. It’s one thing praying about it, even talking about it – but it's a whole other thing sealing that forever contract with a 3 letter word. Don’t get me wrong, I knew my answer was yes, and will be till death do us part and then some. But I think it’s perfectly fine to have one freak out moment or two or three. Don't you?

Frankly, it’s a bit nerve-wracking thinking about being with the same person foreverrrrr.

Being engaged is a promise and waiting —the promise of a future, the waiting for it to come. It is the introduction to life for, God willing the next half-century.

I am here. After celebrating the engagement of a few friends, it's now my turn. Single friends may not exactly understand what I am feeling. This is a time of readjustment for how my friends and I relate to one another, by acknowledging and appreciating the transition. My friendships are changing — shrinking and expanding at the same time. Married friends have become a well of advice for things they have already been through — things I never considered asking until now (like how do you deal with living with a brother-in-law?).

READ ALSO: How To Become A Wife Before Getting Married

I am here. In a space where the past is behind and the future is ahead. Torn between the choices to share testimonies of the past and to proclaim prophecies for the future.

Being engaged is telling and retelling and retelling yet again the same "how we met" story and making it sound like it's the first time you've ever told it. As long as you say it with confidence, anything you say will do.

Being engaged is finding out that premarital counseling is actually helpful. . . and harmful. It's as if you are wearing a sign that says, "Advise me". Someone has an advice to give you whether you ask for it or not.
"Communication is key."
"You are attracted to each other because you are different, not compatible."
"Non-verbal communication is the most important form of communication."
"Talk about everything."
"Marriage is a convenant, not a contract."
"Respect your in-laws and they'll respect you."
"Stay out of social media."
"His money is our-money. And your money is our-money. You are one."
"Do all you can to please God"
"Don't sleep in separate rooms when there is an argument"
"Always use the sandwich method to correct or reprimand."
And the best one yet, "sex in marriage is a form of worship!"

You can never get enough of advice. It is exactly what you need to get through with this. Perhaps. Not.

Being engaged is an overwhelming wave that churns you up and spits you out. It is the click, click, click of a steadily rising coaster. It is stress. It is beautiful. It is tension. It is awesome. It is scary. It is celebratory. It is wondering when and if it will ever end.

I hope you get what I mean. Being engaged is very very. . .surreal. I am really happy and so nervous, but I also feel kind of just, weird.

Even my mum said it earlier today, "Amaka, you are turning into something else."

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Planning your wedding can be a major distraction from dealing with the emotions of transition, but only if you allow it to be that way.

If you are like me and love the deep dirty deets. . . the engagement story is in 6 super sweet summarised points:

I was completely surprised!!! Had zero idea. It was the BEST surprise I have ever had. God did it!!!
He proposed privately at The Dominos close to my house.
Kachi and I have been friends for over 10 years. What we tell people: We met at school. What it really is: We realized our friendship was special right from the beginning of time.
The knee dropping goodness happened some days after his birthday. Every time I think of how special that event, that moment, it makes me tear up with such overwhelming joy.
He didn't nail the proposal. I didn't find my ring to be all that. It is not superbly to me because he chose it himself (and forgot my preference for silver over gold)
Neither of us knew we were going to be married until the 11th year of our friendship. And, that makes it even more amazing.