Don't Do Things You Will Regret Later (3): I Almost Dated A Married Man

Hi sweethearts of my blogosphere! I am sharing lessons from being a 20-something just before my journey into 30s begins. I will be hitting the big three-0 on the 26th day of the coolest month, June.

This post is the fourth lesson. I hope it inspires you in some way. Happy reading!

Dating A Married Man

I’m not necessarily proud of it, but I’ve been with a married man. I was young and totally didn’t understand the consequences of perpetuating such bad behaviour.

Spending the first two decades of my life in school conditioned me to be intense and results-oriented about everything.

You set out to do A, B or C and either you accomplish them or you don’t. If you do, you’re great. If you don’t, you fail.

But in my 20s I learned that life doesn’t actually work that way all the time. Sure, it’s nice to always have goals and have something to work towards, but I’ve found that actually attaining all of those goals is not the point.

Going a half way through might be your most successful outcome.

I'll explain. . .

Imagine if you will, a time or a situation where you’re in the moment, you’re aware of yourself and you know what you want to do. I’ll use a basic example to illustrate my point, and we’ll go from there. The example is this. . .

You are a virgin. You are saving yourself up for marriage. You wouldn't want to have sex but you want to feel how sex feels. 

Now, you’re facing a person you really like in a social situation. You have liked this person for some time and you think you could ‘be with’ this person. You are touching and for some reason you get the urge to feel something at the middle. You know what you want to feel, and they’re beating hard right at you, but ‘something’ stops you from going any further.

Something just grips you and stops you. It’s hard to explain exactly what this thing is, but it’s something which stops you from losing all of yourself in the situation.

You get?

Sorry, if you didn't get. There is no way else I can put it at the moment. This is my story.

If you got it, great!

Being 20 is making something of your faith apart from your parents and childhood.  Sometimes that means staggering away so you know what you are coming back to. Remember the prodigal son? I guess he was in his 20s when he left home.

Just like the prodigal son; I went clubbing and almost staggered away with a married man.

I’m not going to lie though, the secret adventure is really exciting. The thrill of having a relationship with a man who has a wife at home is enticing. It’s a lot easier for me, now, to understand why many women date married men and vice versa. It’s really easy to get caught up in that web of excitement.

At this age, I know that if my husband searched for an affair, he wouldn’t have to look afar. There are 20-something single ladies out there who are ready and up for any adventure in sex and love.

The reality is that a married man can somehow help you in life by making you more successful, paying your bills, or even buying you a car, etc. But you just never know how much of your future you may be exchanging for all those things.

I know what you’re thinking. You think I'm a bad girl. No. I was a good girl wishing to be bad. 

He came to me. I allowed him to talk. I allowed him to serenade me with his words. I allowed to lead me on. I allowed him to let me have that experience.

Sure some things you do you’ll regret, they’ll be bad choices but the worst type of regret is for the things you didn’t do.

It’s because when you do something, even if it’s a bad choice, you know what happens. You can learn from it. You can teach others about your experience. And when you walk down that road in your life, you can proudly say ‘I did it’.

Me at 22.

In my 20s, I learned to be true to myself. Probably the hardest part about being true to yourself is living your truth and learning what your truth even is.

To get it twisted; I'm not saying dating a married man is a good thing. 

Don't go about fooling around with a married man thinking he would leave his wife for you. Usually when a man has this pattern, he will date you until you start to expect more out of him. Then, he dumps you, finds another woman to fill in. Then, he gets rid of her when she gets tired of being a doormat.

The truth is, any guy will string you along as long as you will let him. It's up to you to look out for yourself and avoid being taken advantage of. It's up to you to decide what you really want to do.

Thanks for reading.

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This is Day 4 of #20Lessons20. We'll have Day 5 tomorrow. 🙂

Let me know in the comment box if you have had any similar experience. Let's learn from you.

Stay inspired.

Stay positive.

Stay lovely.

Written by Nwamaka Onyekachi

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Heart Rays . . . giving light.